....LMB: "Crack Is Whack, Boobs Are For Boobs"....

November 20, 2004

You've probably seen this one all over the blogosphere already, mainly because we greatly enjoying mocking things that are really, really stupid.

Internet Porn: Worse than Crack?

Our brave Senate gazed into the abyss this week, learning about grave dangers our nation faces from digitized pictures of naked people.

Two of the "experts" quoted in the article claim that "the internet is a perfect drug delivery system", because it causes masturbation, which causes the body to release "naturally occuring opioids", "the most perfect addictive substance." But this is incorrect. The internet is not releasing these drugs, the person's body is. Therefore the human body is the perfect drug delivery system, and must be stopped.

One "expert" labelled these opioids "erototoxins," which is fucking hilarious. Reminds me of a Yippie hoax back in the 60s, when the radical jokesters held a press conference to announce that they'd created a special mix of LSD and ecstasy that could instantly force people to have sex, and planned to spray policemen with it at protests.

But my favorite part of the article was when these anti-porn researchers were asked "what should be done to save us from this voyeurstic scourge?"

The responses were mild, considering their earlier indictment of pornography. Several suggested that federal money be allocated to fund brain-mapping studies into the physical effects of pornography.

Yes, after getting all fire and brimstone on internet porn's ass for hours, the experts didn't call for a ban on porn or internet filters or a tax or governmental regulation. They just quietly said "could we have some more money, please?" And I'm sure that the moralistic Senators making political hay out of this issue will be happy to oblige.

Gotta love symbiosis.

Posted by Jake at 08:25 PM | TrackBack (0)

"radical jokesters ... announce[d] that they'd created a special mix of LSD and ecstasy that could instantly force people to have sex, and planned to spray policemen with it at protests."

What visionaries! Now it comes in pill form and is called *iagra, or for those more inclined to ingest "active naturals," *nzyte (a/k/a Bob's Big Booster).

As usual, these people have their terminology all wrong. An "erototoxin" would "kill" eroticism. More accurately, the fundies are erototoxins. Pornography would be an anti-erototoxin.

Posted by: Miss Authoritiva at November 21, 2004 10:23 PM

Heh. At Kill Radio, we have a team that does satirical news broadcasts, and they frequently make reference to the fictionally merged supercompany Pepsi-Viagra. Always makes me laugh.

Posted by: Jake at November 21, 2004 10:29 PM
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Media News

November 16, 2004

Tales of Media Woe

Senate May Ram Copyright Bill- one of the most depressing stories of the day that didn't involve death or bombs. It's the music and movie industries' wet dream. It criminalizes peer-to-peer software makers, allows the government to file civil lawsuits on behalf of these media industries, and eliminates fair use. Fair use is the idea that I can use a snippet of a copyrighted work for educational, political, or satirical purposes, without getting permission from the copyright-holder first.

And most tellingly, the bill legalizes technology that would automatically skip over "obejctionable content" (i.e. sex and violence) in a DVD, but bans devices that would automatically skip over commericals. This is a blatant, blatant, blatant gift to the movie industry. Fuck the movie industry, fuck the music industry, fuck the Senate.

Music industry aims to send in radio cops- the recording industry says that you're not allowed to record songs off the radio, be it real radio or internet radio. And now they're working on preventing you from recording songs off internet radio through a mixture of law and technological repression (although I imagine their techno-fixes will get hacked pretty quickly).

The shocking truth about the FCC: Censorship by the tyranny of the few- blogger Jeff Jarvis discovers that the recent $1.2 million FCC fine against a sex scene in Fox's "Married By America" TV show was not levied because hundreds of people wrote the FCC and complained. It was not because 159 people wrote in and complained (which is the FCC's current rationale). No, thanks to Jarvis' FOIA request, we find that only 23 people (of the show's several million viewers) wrote in and complained. On top of that, he finds that 21 of those letters were just copy-and-paste email jobs that some people attached their names to. Jarvis then spins this a bit by saying that "only 3" people actually wrote letters to the FCC, which is misleading but technically true. So somewhere between 3 and 23 angry people can determine what you can't see on television. Good to know.

Reuters Union Considers Striking Over Layoffs- will a strike by such a major newswire service impact the rest of the world's media?

Pentagon Starts Work On War Internet- the US military is talking about the creation of a global, wireless, satellite-aided computer network for use in battle. I think I saw a movie about this once...

Conservative host returns to the air after week suspension for using racial slur- Houston radio talk show host (and somtime Rush Limbaugh substitute) Mark Belling referred to Mexican-Americans as "wetbacks" on his show. He was suspended for a couple of weeks, and then submitted a written apology for the racial slur to a local newspaper. But he seems to be using the slur and its surrounding controversy to boost his conservative cred with his listeners.

Stay Tuned for Nudes- Cleveland TV news anchor Sharon Reed aired a story about artist Spencer Tunick, who uses large numbers of naked volunteers in his installations and photographs. The news report will be unique in that it will not blur or black-out the usual naughty bits. The story will air late at night, when it's allegedly okay with the FCC if you broadcast "indecent" material. The author of this article doesn't seem to notice that Reed first claims that this report is a publicity stunt, but then claims it's a protest against FCC repression. I'd like to think it's the latter, but I'm not that much of a sucker.

Posted by Jake at 04:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
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