Lying Media Bastards

May 15, 2008


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How could a book about dogs, ducks and robots be so sad?

Posted by Jake on May 15, 2008 10:00 pm

January 1, 2008


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Two Guitar Hero controllers and two fake samurai swords in the living room. We are such nerds.

Posted by Jake on January 1, 2008 11:16 pm

October 29, 2007


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Overheard in my living room: “If you don’t wreck your bike, you don’t have to take Vicodin.”

Posted by Jake on October 29, 2007 9:29 pm

September 17, 2007


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Sadly, my site comes up very low when you google “Johnny Cash” and “dinosaurs”.

Posted by Jake on September 17, 2007 11:30 pm


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It looked like the two toothpaste tubes were kissing.

Posted by Jake on September 17, 2007 11:24 pm

September 9, 2007


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No band should ever play “Play That Funky Music” ever again.

Posted by Jake on September 9, 2007 4:06 pm

September 7, 2007


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About to shave with a razor with five blades. If I can’t see clear down to the jawbone by the time I’m done, I’ll be very disappointed.

Posted by Jake on September 7, 2007 10:06 am

September 4, 2007


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My roommate’s snake has gotten loose in the apartment. Should make for an interesting evening.

Posted by Jake on September 4, 2007 5:38 pm

May 22, 2007


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So if I accidentally poke myself in the eye with a toothbrush full of whitening toothpaste, is that gonna make my eye turn white or red?

Posted by Jake on May 22, 2007 11:03 pm

May 9, 2007


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Then the little pug sprinted at me. Sprinted!

Posted by Jake on May 9, 2007 11:01 pm

March 23, 2007


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Wow, seven comic books in 20 minutes. I can accomplish a lot when I put my mind to it.

Posted by Jake on March 23, 2007 12:44 am

February 21, 2007


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You, weird mystery bagel, can go straight to hell.

Posted by Jake on February 21, 2007 11:00 pm

December 18, 2006


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Oh man. If the band Devotchka comes to your town, I think you should go see them.

Posted by Jake on December 18, 2006 7:09 am

November 12, 2006


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“DJs are audio furniture,” I said. Which is true, unless one of those DJs starts playing big booty bass and the crowd has been drinking.

Posted by Jake on November 12, 2006 12:07 am

October 4, 2006


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For a brief, mad second, I wondered if I could somehow use the flashlight beam to counter the lightwaves coming at my eyes and eliminate my need for sunglasses.

Posted by Jake on October 4, 2006 11:10 am

September 20, 2006


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Yay! Privacy! Coziness! I will celebrate by tilting my chair.

Mmm… slanty.

Posted by Jake on September 20, 2006 4:58 pm

August 31, 2006


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Bugs own this planet. We’re just visiting.

Posted by Jake on August 31, 2006 8:48 pm

July 28, 2006


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Ha! In your face, Fuel Light!

Posted by Jake on July 28, 2006 7:40 pm

July 9, 2006


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Apparently this is the place to go when you want sushi just like the Spanish conquistadors used to make.

Posted by Jake on July 9, 2006 10:16 pm

July 3, 2006


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The boy and his father carefully buried the younger brother under a pile of sand, with just his head peeking out. He lay there, eyes closed peacefully.

Then, after the father had walked away, the older brother began slowing pouring a bucket of water onto the head of his captive sibling.

Posted by Jake on July 3, 2006 8:59 pm

June 16, 2006


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Fucking cilantro.

Posted by Jake on June 16, 2006 7:54 am

May 24, 2006


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The good news is, the pantry is a little less cluttered. The bad news is, I’m eating Rice-a-Roni at 1 in the morning.

Posted by Jake on May 24, 2006 11:30 pm

April 4, 2006


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So I’m looking at a picture of Mickey Mouse, and I realize that while most of his body is black (his “fur”, I guess), his face is fleshtone. His whole face. And I realize that a real mouse like Mickey would have dark fur all over his body, but have a bald, naked face. That’s fucking grotesque.

Posted by Jake on April 4, 2006 12:16 am

March 25, 2006


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So many bad mohawks.

Posted by Jake on March 25, 2006 7:48 pm

March 17, 2006


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“Thanks for making those brownies,” said the gruff woman as the group exited towards the parking lot.
“Well, Thursday nights are slow”, smiled the brownie-maker, “and you kind of need a pinch of sugar to get through it.”
I figured it would be simpler to just leave a bag of sugar and a spoon in the employee lounge.

Posted by Jake on March 17, 2006 1:07 am

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