Lying Media Bastards

October 18, 2008

“He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.”

- Samuel Johnson

Posted by Jake on October 18, 2008 5:19 pm

September 25, 2008

The Democrats are going to change everything. We’re going to have gay parents marrying their own gay babies. Obama’s gonna be sworn in on a gay baby. The oath is gonna end ‘’So help me, gay baby.'’

- Stephen Colbert

Posted by Jake on September 25, 2008 3:25 pm

April 26, 2008

“The human psyche is, in short, a hack job.”

- Cheeseburger Brown

Posted by Jake on April 26, 2008 10:28 am

November 13, 2007

“Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Mankind. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words—’mank’ and ‘ind’. What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is mankind.”

- Jack Handey

Posted by Jake on November 13, 2007 11:00 pm

October 26, 2007

“It seems amazing to say, but in the Bush era, distancing oneself from the Spanish Inquisition actually qualifies as political courage.”

-Matt Taibbi

Posted by Jake on October 26, 2007 7:27 am

February 8, 2007

“Your problems are utterly alien to me. It’s like a bear complaining to a shark that its knees hurt.”

- Marten Reed, Questionable Content

Posted by Jake on February 8, 2007 10:47 pm

February 4, 2007

“The modern conservative is engaged in one of man’s oldest exercises in moral philosophy: that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.”

-John Kenneth Galbraith

Posted by Jake on February 4, 2007 2:11 am

January 27, 2007

“Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad.”

- Neal Stephenson, Snow Crash

Posted by Jake on January 27, 2007 8:08 pm

December 9, 2006

“Journalism is just a gun. It’s only got one bullet in it, but if you aim right, that’s all you need. Aim it right and you can blow a kneecap off the world.”

- Spider Jerusalem, Transmetropolitan

Posted by Jake on December 9, 2006 1:29 am

October 29, 2006

“There are two ways not to suffer from the inferno we are all living in every day. The first suits most people: accept the inferno and become part of it to the point where you don’t even see it any more. The second is riskier and requires constant attention and willingness to learn: seek out and know how to recognize whoever and whatever, in the midst of the inferno, is not inferno, and help them last, give them space.”

-Italo Calvino

Posted by Jake on October 29, 2006 11:58 am

September 20, 2006

The word Fascism has now no meaning except in so far as it signifies “something not desirable.”

- George Orwell

Posted by Jake on September 20, 2006 5:00 pm

June 23, 2006

Equality is not a concept. It’s not something we should be striving for. It’s a necessity. Equality is like gravity: we need it to stand on this earth as men and women. And the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance, and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who is confronted with it.

- Joss Whedon

Posted by Jake on June 23, 2006 9:43 pm

May 23, 2006

“If one would give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest man, I would find something in them to have him hanged.”

- Cardinal Richelieu

Posted by Jake on May 23, 2006 8:36 am

February 28, 2006

“The good Earth- we could have saved it, but we were too damn cheap and lazy.”

- Kurt Vonnegut’s epitaph for Planet Earth

Posted by Jake on February 28, 2006 12:45 pm

February 2, 2005

“Political language - and with variations this is true of all political parties, from Conservatives to Anarchists - is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.”

- George Orwell

Posted by Jake on February 2, 2005 8:08 am

January 18, 2005

Words of Advice for Young People

Concluding thoughts from a recent interview with investigative journalist Greg Palast, answering the question “what do we do now?”:

Someone asked, “How do you explain what we do next,” and I said, “Dance. Fuck. Fight.” Make yourself indigestible to the system so that if you are ever swallowed up, you will be vomited out. I really think so. Make yourself unemployable. You’ll never get an interesting job if you’re employable. Get arrested, form a punk band and go to Indonesia and fall in love with someone who doesn’t speak your language. I’m not kidding.

Posted by Jake on January 18, 2005 10:33 am

December 27, 2004

“A free and independent press is essential to the health of a functioning democracy. It serves to inform the voting public on matters relevant to its well-being. Why they’ve stopped doing that is a mystery. I mean, 300 camera crews outside a courthouse to see what Kobe Bryant is wearing when the judge sets his hearing date, while false information used to send our country to war goes unchecked? What the fuck happened? These spineless cowards in the press have finally gone too far. They have violated a trust. ‘Was the president successful in convincing the country?’ Who gives a shit? Why not tell us if what he said was true? And the excuses. My God, the excuses! ‘Hey, we just give the people what they want.’ ‘What can we do, this administration is secretive.’ ‘But the last season of Friends really is news.’ The unmitigated gall of these weak-willed… You’re supposed to be helping us, you indecent piles of shit! I… fuck it. Just fuck it…”

-”The Media: Democracy’s Guardian Angel”, from “America: The Book”

Posted by Jake on December 27, 2004 8:02 am

November 24, 2004

“It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of what he was never reasoned into.”

-Jonathan Swift

Posted by Jake on November 24, 2004 11:59 pm

November 22, 2004

“Hate crimes against Arabs and Muslims went up over 1000% right after 9/11. Which still put us in fourth place behind blacks, gays and Jews.”

- Ahmed Ahmed

Posted by Jake on November 22, 2004 12:00 am

October 28, 2004

“The difficult we’ll do right now, the impossible will take a little while.”

-Billie Holliday

Posted by Jake on October 28, 2004 12:01 am

October 13, 2004

“I’m not calling you a liar, but… I can’t think of a way to finish that sentence.”

-Bart Simpson

Posted by Jake on October 13, 2004 11:29 am

September 21, 2004

“At 8 o’clock on network TV, you can watch girls in bikinis eating mealworms. By that standard, we’re good.”

-Jon Stewart, on “The Daily Show”

Posted by Jake on September 21, 2004 11:30 am

September 8, 2004

“If you’ve been reading the headlines for the past year and the word ‘fuck’ never popped into your mind, well, we’ve got nothing to talk about.”

- Lewis Black

Posted by Jake on September 8, 2004 11:31 am

August 24, 2004

“I think governments are the cancer of civilization. And the minute that we see seven or eight women get in a circle and start a war, I’ll be shocked like a motherfucker.”

- Chuck D

Posted by Jake on August 24, 2004 11:31 am

August 17, 2004

“I don’t think Osama bin Laden sent those planes in to attack us because he hated our freedom. I think he did it because of our support for Israel and our ties with the Saudi family and all our military bases in Saudi Arabia. Y’know why I think that? Because that’s what he fucking said!”

- David Cross

Posted by Jake on August 17, 2004 8:28 am

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