Chapter 1: America is Discovered

First there was Christopher Columbus. His real name was Italian, Cristobal Colon, but we'll call him by the first name because English is better than Italian. Christopher Columbus wanted to go to India, to get spices because there were spices in India and he wanted to get them so he could bring them back to Europe. He knew that the world was round, and thought that he could get to India faster by sailing the other way. Everyone thought Columbus was crazy. But they were dumb. Most Europeans were dumb. Finally, the Queen of Spain, gave Columbus money for ships to go sailing by selling the crown jewels without the King's knowledge. She did this because she thought that Columbus was very sexy. When the King found out, it was much too late, but he beat the fuck out of her anyway. Stupid bitch outta know her place, ' had it comin. So Columbus bought three boats, the Nila, the Puta, and the Santa Muerta. And off he sailed. The only problem was that North America was in between Europe and India, so Columbus crashed right into it, the silly goose! That was in 1492. 1492. Remember that date, it's the most important thing in the entire world. If you don't know it everyone will think you are stupid and all the other kids will laugh at you.

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