Lying Media Bastards

January 25, 2008

They Just Won’t Die!


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Despite being forced from government service, prominent neocons– who as you’ll recall, have been wrong about ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING– keep fucking returning from the political grave. At the very, VERY least, these men should be laughingstocks, colossal jokes, branded as buffoons on par with Dan Quayle. AT LEAST.

But preferably they’d be in prison awaiting their war crimes tribunals, or dropped off in downtown Fallujah to explain to the Iraqi people how grateful they should be to America.

First unexpected resurrection: Donald Rumsfeld. Apparently this week, old Uncle Skeletor spoke at some defense industry conference arguing that the US government needed a new agency to win the hearts and minds of the Muslim world by explaining to them that they are wrong and we are right. Because who are you gonna believe, the cluster bomb crater down the street, or some Republican operative in Langley posting to your local messageboard about the danger of Muslamic-o-facists?

Next up: Paul Wolfowitz. After stepping down as Deputy Secretary of Defense, Wolfowitz moved slantwise into a new position as president of the World Bank (a prestigious institution that purports* to help Third World countries with hefty development loans, but usually uses their financial leverage to break those countries open for privatization and foreign plunder). Hilariously, Wolfowitz made fighting corruption the centerpiece of his World Bank policies– and then was forced to resign when it was discovered that he had used his influence to get his girlfriend (who then worked for the World Bank as well) a cushy job at the State Department.

But, we find out today that Wolfowitz is bouncing back nicely, being appointed head of the State Department’s International Security Advisory Board, “which provides the department with independent advice on arms control and disarmament.” I think Wolfie’s definition of “arms control” is “neat handwriting on the checks you send to weapons manufacturers”.

And finally, John Bolton. He hasn’t been offered any spiffy new job since being canned as the most anti-UN ambassador to the UN, but he gets quoted in the media all the damn time! What the fuck is up with that? Motherfucker has been wrong about EVERYTHING, he’s CLEARLY a partisan operative with a hard-on for leveling Tehran, Havana and Caracas. If I was president of the Candymaker’s Association, and I told the press that candy was delicious, THAT WOULD NOT BE NEWS. But John Bolton tells the NYT that we’ve got to ram a cruise missile down Ahmadinejad’s windpipe and he gets headlines.

Sadly, neocons appear to be karma-proof.


* I can’t believe I used the word “purports”.

Posted by Jake on January 25, 2008 9:36 am

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