Lying Media Bastards

February 3, 2007

Grand Theft Auto 2

My car got stolen today.


Clearly, I have angered the Car Gods, as the automobiles I own like to smack me around and then kick me when I’m down. Those of you who followed LMB: Los Angeles may remember the time that someone broke into my carport stole my car battery. Or when someone stole the whole thing from a Burbank parking lot about a year later (although police recovered it the same day). Or two weeks after that, when I was hit by an SUV (I was found to be at fault for the accident, of course). And although the damage was slight, but the car insurance company decided to have the car pulped instead of fixed (ironically, it would have been better if the cops hadn’t found my car at all). Then there was that time a car pantsed me in front of the prettiest girl in school. And that time when a car shot me in Reno just to watch me die. And let’s not forget my latest car (purchased with the insurance money from the SUV-smooshed car) which now seems to be my ex-car. It’s likely at a chop shop as we speak, where its parts will be used to fix a car that will run me off the road in a couple of weeks.

Just a thought: both times my cars were stolen, I had parked in the large parking lot of a shopping center, went inside, returned to my car, and then resumed shopping. I wonder if that is a sign to potential car thieves, “if he’s coming back to stash things in his car, he’s probably going to be inside for a long time, and I will have plenty of time to steal his car.” I’d advise y’all to not do that.

Hopefully, this theft won’t be too painful. My insurance seems to cover 30 days of car rental, so I’ll be re-wheeled by tomorrow morning. Which is a good thing, as the insurance company seems likely to wait 30 days before giving me any money, to see if the police do indeed find it. Not sure what I would’ve done if I didn’t have this rental thing.

In conclusion, I DEFY YOU, CAR GODS!!!


Heh. I am now driving a rented PT Cruiser. The interior looks like they wanted to appeal to would-be hipsters, and the outside looks like someone squashed a hippo and put chrome on it.

Posted by Jake on February 3, 2007 9:50 pm


  1. That really sucks.
    It sounds like you have things under control but let me know if you need anything.

    Comment by Taylor — February 4, 2007 @ 4:08 am

  2. Jake, - Sorry to hear about your car. That is nowhere to be without one. I know you SoCal natives never want to hear this, but, you have got to get outta that place. I lived there from ‘95 to 03. Long Beach to LA to Idyllwild (a summer tinderbox). Too many people, too many cars, too much crime, too many poseurs, too many fascists, too many hours of your life sitting in traffic. . I’m a big cost/benefit guy. But for your radio show (which, clearly, you can do from anywhere nowadays) what is the attraction? Hollywood? The Military Space Command? The over-crowded beaches? The cost of living? - It isn’t the car gods that are trying to tell you something.

    Comment by Dead Civilian — February 4, 2007 @ 9:14 am

  3. Sorry to hear Jake, maybe it’s a sign to attempt to bike? Best of luck this time around.

    Comment by Brian D — February 4, 2007 @ 3:53 pm

  4. Brian, are you reading blogs instead of watching the Superbowl? They’re gonna revoke your citizenship, man.

    Comment by Jake — February 4, 2007 @ 6:31 pm

  5. today was the superbowl?

    Comment by kitkat — February 4, 2007 @ 7:52 pm

  6. super-what ?

    Anyway, if you feel like it, you can always sue the mall. If there has been car thefts in the past and they’ve taken no action against it, they’re at fault and you can sue them and potentially win.

    If you’re so inclined to, that is.

    Comment by Stephen — February 5, 2007 @ 2:22 pm

  7. Sorry Jake….I shouldnt let these darn indy-media and freethinking radio shows sway me anymore. From now I’m a slave to Murdoch…now where’s that strapon?

    Comment by Brian D — February 5, 2007 @ 10:11 pm

  8. major bummer dude, specially when you were doing the fine business of RASD. Pee Tea Cruiser?? gaah. Ok, it looks like Maria will be attending the meeting tonight.
    see you.

    Comment by DJ Al — February 6, 2007 @ 10:55 am

  9. I’m so very sorry about your car goood luck.thanks

    Comment by carrie — March 7, 2007 @ 12:30 pm

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