Lying Media Bastards

May 19, 2005

Smite Thine Enemies

Air Force Seeks Bush’s Approval for Space Weapons Programs

“The focus of the process is not putting weapons in space,” said Maj. Karen Finn, an Air Force spokeswoman, who said that the White House, not the Air Force, makes national policy. “The focus is having free access in space.”…

The Air Force believes “we must establish and maintain space superiority,” Gen. Lance Lord, who leads the Air Force Space Command, told Congress recently. “Simply put, it’s the American way of fighting.” Air Force doctrine defines space superiority as “freedom to attack as well as freedom from attack” in space.

So… the United States needs to put weapons into space… to make sure that no one can stop us from putting weapons into space. Let me get out my Moebius Strip… yes, that logic works.

After assuring us that we’re not really out to put weapons into space, the article slowly informs us that we already kinda have one, “XSS-11, an experimental microsatellite with the technical ability to disrupt other nations’ military reconnaissance and communications satellites.”

Then it tells us about the other “free access to space” weapons that they’re thinking about:

Another Air Force space program, nicknamed Rods From God, aims to hurl cylinders of tungsten, titanium or uranium from the edge of space to destroy targets on the ground, striking at speeds of about 7,200 miles an hour with the force of a small nuclear weapon.

A third program would bounce laser beams off mirrors hung from space satellites or huge high-altitude blimps, redirecting the lethal rays down to targets around the world. A fourth seeks to turn radio waves into weapons whose powers could range “from tap on the shoulder to toast,” in the words of an Air Force plan.

Wow, all this global techno-domination sounds pricey. What’ll it cost?

Fugeddaboutit. $220 billion to $1 trillion.

Given that the most devastating attack on America in recent times was a couple dozen hijackers with knives, this is obviously the cleverest way to spend our defense money.

And how is the rest of the world going to respond when we announce that we’re putting a weapon into space that can destroy any target at any time, anywhere in the world? That’d be like holding a loaded gun to the world’s head, and I don’t know if they’d stand for it.

[crossposted at New Noise]

Posted by Jake on May 19, 2005 9:14 am


  1. actually, they were boxcutters. several notches below ‘knife.’

    Comment by kit kat — May 19, 2005 @ 9:52 pm

  2. He can hardly call himself Emperor without a Deathstar now can he?

    Comment by Rzer0 — May 20, 2005 @ 3:48 am

  3. It’s hard to fathom the cowardice that inspires this type of technology. We could be curing cancer or AIDS or ending world hunger… NOPE! We’re gonna shoot at shit from space. I can’t help but think this is going to bite us in the ass somehow.

    Comment by Robin — May 20, 2005 @ 8:41 am

  4. Imagine THAT think misfiring!

    Comment by Andrew — May 20, 2005 @ 10:36 am

  5. oops, should have been “thing”, not “think”

    Comment by Andrew — May 20, 2005 @ 10:37 am

  6. that would seriously suck.

    Comment by Luigi — May 20, 2005 @ 9:20 pm

  7. I think the “radio wave weapon” is proof that the paranoids were right about the HAARP project.

    Comment by mr. mike — May 22, 2005 @ 8:37 am

  8. Think for a moment. Space will be a realm of weaponry in the coming decades. Do you want the U.S. to simply acquiesce to those who have the will to be predominant in space? Wishful thinking (such as “we will use diplomacy to keep space peaceful”) will merely set us up to be at the continual mercy of folks a lot less liberal than we are.

    Comment by Mike Buck — February 22, 2007 @ 12:00 am

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