Lying Media Bastards

May 1, 2005

Never Underestimate the Power of Rich Delicious Nougat

I have been amused lately by the promotions for the final Star Wars prequel. The Star Wars machine is trying to convince everyone that this film is actually the heaviest and darkest of all six films. And at the same time, the movie is being used in promotional tie-ins for other products so ridiculous that it would give the series a bad name– if George Lucas’ hackery hadn’t already done that in advance.

We’re supposed to go into the theater, be drawn into the characters and stories, and really care about Anikan Skywalker’s descent into darkness, just after seeing commericals with cartoon Chester Cheetah in a Vader helmet urging us to buy new “Cheetos Twisted”, which will turn your tongue “Dark Vader Dark” or “Yoda Green”. Of course, this isn’t the only tie-in, there seem to be hundreds, shilling all manner of soft drinks and breakfast cereals and collector cups and anal vibrators and whatnot (well, probably not anal vibrators).

It’s got me longing for a blockbuster version of Hamlet. I’d love to see what sort of Happy Meal toys and fruit snacks they’d design to promote that one.

Posted by Jake on May 1, 2005 9:38 pm


  1. Product placement was one of the ways Lucas paid for the move before it was made, and also it will help cut the losses if the movie bombs horribly, even with all the Star Wars geeks out there. It’s called “hedging the bet”, but I call it (and the entire prequil series) “greedhead fuckwittery.”

    Comment by mr. mike — May 2, 2005 @ 10:03 pm

  2. Is there actual product placement in the “galaxy far, far away, a long time ago?” How the F*@#CK does that work? Is Jar-Jar Binks going to pause in the middle of some overproduced battle to pop open a refreshing Pepsi? Even our sacred space operas aren’t sacred anymore?

    The only thing worse than Lucas’s cross-marketing is his dialog. Bleah.

    I am not [much of] a Star Wars geek.

    But you’re right, J — Hamlet has mucho merchandising potential!
    Mama Gertrude’s Patented Ear Medicine
    Ophelia-brand life preservers
    The Yorick 560 Upright Canister Vacuum
    Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Snacks!

    Good to be back! Tip your waitresses!

    Comment by N — May 10, 2005 @ 2:36 pm

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